definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
