How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
