Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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