ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize