Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize