No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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