We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
