the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize