sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
