Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
