too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize