If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
