if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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