Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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