omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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