Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
third nipple confirmed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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