We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
