It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
