he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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