Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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