by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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