There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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