Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
