I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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