they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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