that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
