I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
