my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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