Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
