I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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