i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
