she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
