White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
