yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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