DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
