This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
