dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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