Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wear drunk well.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
