my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
