Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
