Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize