Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
