Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you never un-have a 4some
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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