so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
