ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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