yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't put those talents on a resume
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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