Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
