why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
