There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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