Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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