By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
