I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize