either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
