I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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