I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
