I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
