I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize