We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
