I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
