just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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