Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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