I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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