Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
