There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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