I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize