Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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