Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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