my shit smells like andre
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
