He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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