Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
