we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
