Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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