I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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