Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
