How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
